It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
