med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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