Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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