i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so much tequila, so little girl.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
