He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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