I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
