True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize