"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
