Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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