I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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