Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
