whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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