I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
