Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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