Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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