Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize