the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
