I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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