Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
