I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
