I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sext me about skeletons
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
