my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
