Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
