I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
