weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We just shotgunned beers for America
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
