I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
