someone threw a dead crab at me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
