need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
