Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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