As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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