Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
