Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm both gender and math confused
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
