I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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