worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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