dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
