We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize