I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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