we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
