So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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