while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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