Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.