i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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