I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?