i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
