I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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