I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
