My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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