Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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