i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
