The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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