Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
