I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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