I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
