i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize