I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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