Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it was like eating out sand paper
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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