I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
